


Toaster Troubles

by BannerApples



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Gen, Gift Fic, Implied/Referenced Torture, Improper Use of a Toaster, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 01:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10889187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BannerApples/pseuds/BannerApples
Summary: Written on a whim for vagabuddy on Tumblr. Prompt was Ryan with a toaster.-Geoff did not sign up for this. He hired the Vagabond to do an interrogation, not make him food.





	Toaster Troubles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vagabuddy](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Vagabuddy).



“How do you like your toast, boss?” 

“Uh…” Geoff looked down at his phone, confused. He had sent Vagabond to interrogate a target, sort of a trial run to see if the masked mercenary would be a good fit for the crew. “Normal…?”

There was some vague shuffling in the background, accompanied by the familiar sound of a toaster being prepped – the crumbs being shaken out and all. The kingpin looked over at Jack (sitting at the nearby dining table), mouthed “are you fucking kidding me” and mentally made a note to get someone who could actually follow instructions next time.

“So more than lightly toasted, less than slightly burnt. Got it.”

Vagabond made more noise, and then suddenly there was a clink and the audio grew louder. The phone must have been put down and then put on speaker. In the distance now, he could hear the guy that was supposed to be interrogated. It was hard to make out what he was saying. At least he was muffled.

“Now!” Vagabond’s tone turned cheerful, “You’re either going to tell Ramsey every little dirty secret you are hiding, or we get to find out together how this will turn out.”

A ding from the toaster’s lever prompted an inaudible face-palm from Geoff. That’s it; he was never listening to any of Gavin’s recommendations again. This was getting ridiculous.

“I do hope you don’t, really.” Issuing through the tinny speakers was an almost maniacal chuckle. The target suddenly screamed, and Geoff almost dropped the phone. Vagabond spoke again, the cheerfulness gone as rapidly as it had come. “It makes this so much more fun for me.”

Geoff scrambled to turn the speaker on his end as well so Jack could hear this. Faintly the sound of sizzling flesh hit their ears and the sobbing litany of their target begging for it to stop, he’ll confess everything.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this,” The mercenary continued almost conversationally. “You’ll have to speak up so Ramsey can hear you.”

Through hitching words and the occasional sob, Geoff and Jack listened as everything they were after was told. Locations, plans, meetings, codes and numbers for secret stashes, everything. Eventually, the words stopped and Vagabond took the phone off speaker.

“That good enough for you, boss?”

Geoff finished jotting down the last of the info and sighed. The info matched up with most of what they had found, though there were some new things in there. “Yeah, that’s fine. Clean up and get back.”

“Won’t be but a moment.”

The line went dead and Geoff exchanged looks with Jack. True to his word, Vagabond didn’t take long to return. In his arms, he carried a bloodied and burnt-smelling toaster, and a small plastic grocery bag. He stepped into the kitchen and shuffled around in there for a moment. Brushing his suit off, Geoff was about to stand when the masked younger male came back.

This time, he was carrying a plate with a severed, obviously toasted hand on it. He set it down on the table, ignoring the indignant shouts and Jack’s yell of “gross!”, and then turned to the leader of the Fakes.

“You said normally toasted, so here you go.”

“That- That’s not what I meant!” Geoff spluttered, eyeing the plate like it would come alive if he got near it. He was leaned back in the chair far enough for its front legs to be fully off the ground.

“Wasn’t it?” the man laughed, “Whoops. I toasted it too long, didn’t I? Or was it not enough?”

“THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN TOASTED AT ALL!”

“It’s fine.” Here he reached over and picked the hand up right off the plate. Some blood dripped onto the ceramic. “This isn’t the target’s, anyways. His is still attached to the corpse, and very blackened.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any less nauseous, ugh.”

“Suit yourself.” Vagabond shrugged, dropping it back down. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

Geoff watched as he turned around and headed out the door, whistling a jaunty tune to himself. This could be the beginning of a good partnership. He avoided looking down at the hand. If he didn’t acknowledge it, it wasn’t a thing.

Make that a very awkward, mayhem and blood filled partnership.


End file.
